the revised devil's dictionary

I i

immoral adj Stubborn refusal to adhere to contemporary standards, no matter how absurd.

immortal adj Any famous person, already dead, whose work, words, or actions can be safely appropriated.

incumbent adj The worldís largest land dwelling species of invertebrates.

individualist adj 1: An individual who labors under the erroneous and silly impression that he alone is responsible for his actions. 2: A very dangerous person who has the alarming, unnatural habit of thinking for him or herself, contrary to the best interests of upper management. 3: Someone who is not a team player.

inebriant adj Any substance that causes foot-in-mouth disease. Of course, with some actors such as Tom Cruise, oxygen and vitamins can have the same effect so itís hardly a useful description.

infection n The invasion of unwanted stuff, as in anthrax, plague, E. coli, leprosy, in-laws, or liberal beliefs in Republican households.

infidel n 1: From a Christian standpoint, anyone adhering to the Muslim faith, which believes that a man may have four wives, one God, and no booze. This belief could be considered masochistic. 2: From the Muslim standpoint, anyone adhering in the Christian faith, which believes in a Trinity & the Virgin Mary, one wife, and no fun. Hell of a choice, isnít it?

innovative adj 1: Any concept, plan, or plot whose origin is sufficiently nebulous as to allow one to claim it. 2: Any idea whose time has come and gone more than twenty years ago. 3: Any nitwit idea.

ID abbr Stands for Intelligence Design which is the amusing conceit that a superior being actually employed all of its advance knowledge, skill, intelligence to design the prostrate and appendix.

internal customer n 1: In biology, a parasitic bacteria or virus. 2: In business or government, any other department which requires your departmentís services and is in a position of superior strategic strength. Or is more heavily armed.

ire n Inordinate wrath expressed with good manners and breeding.

Ireneís Theology maxim God saves a special place in Hell for those who have no opinions.

irony n An assault upon the futility of despair. .

Islam religon One of the top three money making religions of the all time. Islam, literally translated, means submission. Whether this (submission) is to Allah or corrupt, fanatic imbeciles is not precisely clear.

isobar n Either a mapping construct or doodling, depending upon whether one watches the All Weather Channel longer than ten minutes.