the revised devil's dictionary


K k

kabuki n Either a Japanese comic play or a neighborhood association meeting, depending on whether or not food is served.

Kellogg’s First Law of Bureaucracies maxim The only person who knows who is sick, sullen, or sadistic.

Kellogg’s Second Law of Bureaucracies maxim The only person who knows how is demoted, discharged, or demised.

Kellogg’s Third Law of Bureaucracies maxim The only person who knows where is moronic, misanthropic or missing

kick-back n Discount bribery. See honorarium.

Kline’s Rule maxim Enthusiasm can hide a multitude of defects, but stupidity ain’t one of them.

knowledge n 1: A quality that should be determinedly suppressed in all union positions. 2: The underpinning of opinion, the amount of knowledge one has is generally in inversely proportion to the strength of the opinion.

knowledge management n 1: Censorship. 2: Either brainwashing or advertising, depending on the size of the budget.

krypton n One of the noble gases, rather than the home planet of Superman, which in any case was destroyed by either a peculiar form of global warming, planetary instability or narrative plot twist.

kumiss n Central Asian fermented horse or camel milk. One can tell which animal provided the milk by the direction one’s eyes spin after imbibing. Horse’s right, camel’s left.

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