the revised devil's dictionary


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walk-the-talk phr One of the best examples of 1990’s new-speak (Top Ten, Management Magazine, 1991, 1992, 1993), this phrase typifies linguistic evolution as it exists in the United States. Notice that the phrase contains three words, for a total of 11 letters, directly alludes to nothing in particular, and does not actually function as any recognizable part of speech. It is meant to suggest sincerity ( 1 word, 9 letters, noun, forming a succinct concept). This lexicographer promises to walk up to the next person who uses the phrase in his presence and vomit into their right front shirt pocket.

war crime n Losing. See war game.

war fair n Either the Balkans or the Middle East, take your choice.

war game n Winning. See war crime.

war time n According to the Bishop of Ulster, anytime after 4004 BC. See the King James Bible.

war zone n The known universe.

warranty n A prediction that a particular product will die on a certain day, or soon thereafter.

well-read n Having an extensive knowledge of daytime TV.

wheel of life phr An eastern religious concept wherein life is likened to a “wheel”. Considering the number of road-kills evident, there’s a lot to recommend the idea.

whine n 1: Verbalized criticisms. 2: Utterances by the opposition, particularly if said remarks are true, clarify a situation, or point out inconsistencies in one’s own position.

wimp n Someone who eschews manly attributes like sound shots or rape.

wise adj Anyone who can figure odds without either a calculator or inside information.

Women Who Run with Sheep, and the Men who Shear Them title The sequel to Woman Who Run With Wolves. Details a hideous conspiracy attempted by the hair care industry. Helena Rubinstein, Lord and Lady Clairol, and the Free Masons of Patterson, New Jersey are directly implicated.

Women Who Run with Wolves title Popular nonsense/nonfiction book title. See Adult Children of Feral Parents.

worthless adj Anything in which one lacks interest. Stuff one has an interest in, qualifies as worthwhile if not fascinating.

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